I am anorexic. I learned to eat again but still can’t take it, so I began to cut.
words. words. words. as if any of these words could ever express what it actually means to fucking starve yourself until you can’t move anymore. as if any of these words could ever explain how much it hurts NOT to starve yourself but to be forced to actually deal with yourself.
and now he left me. I love him. I tried fucking hard to be okay and not to starve and not to cut because I knew how much it hurt him. And now he’s gone and I … I have no reason not to do it. I want to hide myself. I want to focus on starving again so that I do not have to take these thoughts inside my head. I miss him so. I miss him so.
I’m disgusted by myself. I don’t need compassion. I need … air.
